I truly.

I had come to the realization that I was alone. Alone and lonely. I was accustomed to it by then, I had accepted it, I even started to feel comfortable alone. I became skeptical of the idea of having someone to love, to care for, to care for me. What was this foreign feeling teenagers long for, strive for, wish for, die for? I despised it. So I thought.
I truly thought I wouldn't like another half again. It would be cumbersome, annoying even. I longed for the mentally ill, the rash and rude males, who only hurt me, only teased me. I did that so I could never be attached for very long. It was an easy in, easy out. Except it ruined me.
I was inclined to know the truth, feel the truth, see the truth; I let down an inch of my vale. I let someone in. Skeptical still. He came into my life. I said "be careful sir, I run away easily." He was very careful.
There were others, before him, I couldn't stand. Ask questions. Ask questions. Compliment, compliment, compliment. Beautiful, pretty, charming, stupid ugly, bad morals, bad teeth, crude language, unschooled, uneducated. What's a conversation of questioning like "What ice cream do you like? What movie do you like?". All it is, is answering.
I ditched them. I left them all behind, except one.
I kept my guard still.

Until now. I feel I've let my guard go. It's gone, escaped me, I threw it out the window. I feel a bit naked in sense. I've scraped my knees in the business of relations. Relationships. Caring, kissing, hugging, loving.
"Are you in love? Do you love him?" Do I need to at this age? I'm very young, I'm still not sure what the L word actually means.
It's only not to know, I feel it's better. I'm more free, I sleep easily; I wont cry as hard when things go sour. Because they will. It's foolish to think they wont.
Where I am is good. Where I am is great. I'll stay here for awhile.